Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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