Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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