im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
