You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
