she kept yelling 'call me bella'
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
