Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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