you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
