R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
