the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Randomize
