in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The air was thick with penises
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
