Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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