I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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