how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
