google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
