Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
