she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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