my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize