we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
