aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
