I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
