Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
fuck your aforementioned shoe
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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