Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You ate ashes out of my bong
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize