It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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