last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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