PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My vagina is officially offended.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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