Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
