i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
