So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
