yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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