I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
