ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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