I just threw up on my dentist
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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