Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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