theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
