I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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