So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
