real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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