A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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