just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
