Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
