Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
