Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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