alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It's never too late to be topless.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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