So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
