went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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