i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
