why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
