I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
