a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
