I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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