if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
