I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
