I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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