So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize