Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
