So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
