Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
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