omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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