I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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