Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
