I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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