yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
