I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
