Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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