Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Randomize
