Small penises have feelings too.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
