btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
