Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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