I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
