ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize