wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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