oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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