Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize