just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
