does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
