Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
