Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
