Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
