May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
