im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
