if you like me you must not know who I am
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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