i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
