I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
