Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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