You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
