it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Go christen that room with your naked body.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
