I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Randomize
