i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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