I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
